A Conundrum of Being a Black Financial Domme

A successful financial Domme lives a life of relative ease and a certain amount of luxury, paid for by adoring supplicants and devoted slaves. And while there are many financial dommes out there who DO live like that, Black financial dommes are typically not seen as a part of that group.

Now why is that?

There are many things that factor into this, considering that a Black financial domme lives at the intersection of race, gender, and class, just as all other Black women do. I do not have the time (or desire at this moment) to go into all of that, but something caught My eye online this afternoon that just compelled Me to write a post…because it was a great example of something I personally have been reflecting on for quite some time. (I’m going to come back to this in a few)

As a Black financial domme, I take money from white men. Not exclusively, but primarily. I don’t even need to specifically seek out white men for this, they find ME and want to pay ME. I happily take their money, spending it on Myself and things that benefit My and My lifestyle, including designer & luxury items.

Now let’s pause and think of the names of some designers/design houses, shall we? Christian Louboutin, Chanel, Valentino, Giuseppe Zanotti, Tom Ford, Marc Jacobs, just to name a a few.

Can you tell Me what the common denominator is between all of those names, aside from being luxury/designer brands?

Those are all the names of white people. Most designer brands are made by white people. To be even more specfic, white men.

Here lies the conundrum of being a Black financial domme….I take money from white men who long to financially serve a Black woman (and make an attempt at righting various wrongs they are directly & indirectly responsible for)….then I take that money (either directly or by way of receiving gifts from slaves) and then line the pockets of white designers. What sense does that make?

The most offensive part in all of this? A lot of these white designers are openly racist.

Which leads Me to what I saw today that compelled Me to finally sit down and write this post……

Marc Jacobs (a designer I *like*, mind you. I’m wearing one of his watches & one of his fragrances RIGHT NOW as I type this) has come under fire for what amounts to cultural appropriation. And his response?

He doesn’t see color or race? That’s funny because when I look in the mirror the FIRST thing I see is My color/race. When I walk down the street, before people recognize Me as a Woman, as an adult, as an American, as a financial domme or whatever else the case may be…they see My skin color FIRST. I can not hide it, I can not change it, I can not cover it up. I am as Black as the day is long and that is not going to change. So when a white person says they don’t “see” color or race, what they are really saying is that they do not see My humanity as a Black person. That’s some pretty offensive shit. And to say that cultural appropriation is “nonsense”? That’s equally offensive because culture= identity, and you can’t go around assuming another’s identity. It is not ok. Its offensive, its disrespectful….its racist. Racist as fuck.

If designers tend to be racist (in case you’d like some more evidence: Valentino’s cultural appropriation fiasco. Remember when Tommy Hilfger said he didn’t want Black people wearing his brand? Did you know Coco Chanel was a Nazi spy and anti-Semite? Google is your friend if you want more), is it honestly in the best interest of Black financial dommes to purchase (or allow purchases of) items from these design houses? Does it make us complicit in the racism against us? How can we, as Black Women, truly benefit from taking money from white boys and then turning around and purchasing items made by white people (mainly men!) who openly despise us & don’t want us sporting their brands?

And since financial domination does contain an element of competitiveness (that no one wants to admit but cmon..let’s be REAL, this industry can be cut throat), if Black Women only supported lesser known designers/brands who are ethical & inclusive….how would that impact our image? If everyone else is wearing Louboutins and you’re wearing an off brand no one has heard of (but could very well be even more expensive & exclusive than Louboutin), it adds to the belief that a Black financial domme is “less than” and not seen as “valuable” as a white financial domme.

At the end of the day, none of that should matter. (All) Ladies should be getting what they want and fuck what anybody else thinks. Sounds good in theory, but that’s not really how it goes in practice.

All of that aside, even you simply desire items of high quality but aren’t necessarily focused on keeping up with appearances, your search for high quality will lead you to equally problematic brands!

I have no solution for this problem, other than to continue to seek out and support brands/companies that are ethical and inclusive. In some cases this may not even be possible, but I am always looking. I am also not shaming anyone for their own choices & preferences. People have to do what works best for them. As I stated earlier, I’ve been a fan of Marc Jacobs and own quite a few things bearing his name (although I will no longer be adding any more of his items to My collection after this BS). I know that I own plenty of things made by racist/sexist and overall harmful companies and individuals. (Victoria’s Secret uses prison labor, Apple stresses their workers out to the point of suicide etc) I don’t like it, but to a degree I have to accept this (for now). The tide is turning, slowly but surely. More ethical options are on the horizon, but for now…this is what it is. But I want to bring awareness to this issue and hopefully a discussion can be started. A discussion that could possibly lead to viable solutions.

Being a socially conscious/aware Black Woman with expensive tastes, operating in the world of financial domination, has its price and that price goes far beyond the dollar sign on any price tag.

That price is called cognitive dissonance. But as a Black Woman in 2016, cognitive dissonance is a part of daily life. It shouldn’t be, but it is. We buy from companies/brands/people that actively hate us, we listen to & enjoy music that is simultaneously degrading to us, the list goes on and on. Sometimes in order to support our fellow Black sisters, we have to, by proxy, support racism & sexism among other problematic things.

(For example, I’d love to support Gabrielle Union in Birth of a Nation, but I have no desire to financially support Nate Parker’s project secondary to the rape allegations against him)

To be a Black Woman in 2016 is an experience filled with incredible beauty, power, knowledge, and community among other amazing, POSITIVE things. But….it is also one incredibly complex, stressful experience that no one (outside of other Black Women) will fully comprehend.

Anyway, just wanted to shed some light on one of the MANY “unique” situations I face as a Black financial domme.